Anyone read this before.
Do people agree with all 20?
1 - Long Hair - An obvious one to start. Long hair will never look cool unless it's on a girl. Start growing your hair and you're only a step away from wondering how a pony-tail would look. Trust me on this one; a pony-tail is indeed a challenge, but it brings no rewards...
2 - Fewer than three buttons - Your suit jacket is your defining statement. Assuming you've got your hair cropped and looking sharp, your jacket is the next thing that people will judge. If it's got two buttons you'll look like you're going to a wedding or an interview. If it's got only one button you'll look like a waiter or a weatherman. Stick with three buttons, until you're cool enough to deal with four buttons.
3 - Patch pockets - The natural habitat of the patch pocket is the left breast of a shirt. Never wear a jacket with patch pockets unless it's a blazer (with three buttons of course), preferably a boating blazer. Jackets with patch pockets are for geography teachers, leave it that way.
4 - Waistcoats - Cool when you're 8-balling a Ticket in the local pool league (dark grey pinstripe with black satin back), kinda' cool if you're popping the champagne cork on Christmas Day (red or yellow check with gold satin back), otherwise leave well alone. There should be no such thing as a three-piece suit.
5 - Double-breasted suits - There is slight leeway here; If you are tall and slim a well-fitted double-breasted suit will look fabulous. For the rest of us a double-breasted suit is a shortcut to looking as wide as a barn door. If you are lucky enough to be sufficiently elongated to carry a double-breasted jacket, please never wear the jacket open, not even when seated.
6 - Hats - Yes, I know... The classic mod look includes a pork pie hat... But only don headwear if it suits you...! Some people are lucky, hats suit them and they suit hats. Be honest with yourself on this one, if you don't look right in a hat simply leave it at home.
7 - Epaulettes on shirts - A shirt with epaulettes is pretending to be outer-wear, it is never going to submit to being under a jacket. And what about those straps they sew into the inside of the sleeves that button onto the outside when you've rolled up the sleeves...? Leave all this kind of superfluous tosh to the chavs.
8 - Contrast collars - You may see pictures of original Mods wearing shirts with contrast collars and cuffs. Unfortunately this style was heavily incorporated into the frightful atrocities that passed for fashion through most of the 1970s and it has not yet recovered from this trauma.
9 - Kipper ties - Although the inch-wide is the ideal neckwear, as long as the tie you choose has a sense of proportion in its flare it should look cool. Kipper ties are for clowns.
10 - Flares - Even a straight-leg cut is in most cases too wide, narrow-leg is preferable, a tailored taper is best. It may not be easy to get the right cut, especially in jeans. So when you find some on the shelf that are right, buy a couple or three pairs for your bottom drawer. Getting a tailor or seamstress to taper trousers may be expensive, so stretch your budget by searching out charity shop bargains for subsequent alteration.
11 - Turn-ups - Again the exception is for tall dudes. For the rest of us, a turn-up will make the leg look shorter and the trouser itself wider. For sharper, longer, cleaner trouser lines leave out the turn-up. It is of course acceptable to roll up your jeans to show off your DMs.
12 - Pleated trouser fronts - Why on Earth were these even invented? They make you look fatter and shorter, and I don't know about you but I really don't need that. Who wants to look like a tied-up sack? Flat-fronted trousers are naturally sleek and sharp, why wear anything else...?
13 - Graphics on clothes - Everything you wear should have something to say... but it doesn't need it sewn on the front in big letters. Who needs to be a walking advert for Superdry?
14 - Tattoos - Nothing incites arguments like the issue of tattoos, especially when one party in the discussion actually has tattoos. Obviously the person with the tattoo is the fiercest defender of these freeform, permanent badges of style. But they would be wouldn't they... Can you imagine it...? "Yeah I used to think the tattoo of a bulldog holding a rose on my chest was really cool, but now I think it's a bit naff..." The problem is the permanence. No mod would ever settle for one style of jacket for the rest of his life, one type of shirt, one design of shoes. So how can you make a lifetime decision about a picture on your body.
15 - Earrings - These were invented for girls and pirates. Cufflinks, tie-pins and simple rings are the only jewellery you'll ever need.
16 - Training shoes - A couple of online shoe shops have added training shoes to their "mod" ranges. You might argue that the training shoes fall into the same ballpark as bowling shoes or boxing boots. This may be so, but training shoes are now the footwear of choice for what seems like 90% of the population, from skinny chavs to fat, old geezers. So leave well alone.
17 - Knitwear - Ok, some pullovers can look cool as outerwear, but please, never under a jacket (that's another one for geography teachers). Stick with solid colours and thin materials, no chunky knits under any circumstances. If in doubt, leave it out.
18 - Moustache and/or beard - Both of these things are the result of laziness (how long does it take to shave?) and are at best unhygenic and generally ugly. Any attempt to keep a moustache or beard sharply trimmed just puts you firmly into George Michael territory, and you don't want that do you? Thanks to Bradley Wiggins we can now get our facial hair fix by growing a pair of muttons, but make sure these are kept well-defined and trimmed regularly with a No.2 trimmer.
19 - Shorts - No-one has yet invented a cool pair of shorts. So, if England ever gets to enjoy another spell of sunshine, you'll have to take a day off from your mod sensibilities if you want to get your legs out. But just because there's no such thing as cool shorts doesn't mean you have to go totally naff and buy the first multi-coloured atrocity you find in TK Maxx. Keep an eye for quality and you'll be able to salvage most of your self-esteem when the nights start drawing in again.
20 - Hawaiian shirts - Assuming you've gone AWOL in the sun in a pair of not-so-naff shorts, you may as well top it off with an Hawaiian shirt. Hopefully your friends will assume it's an ironic sartorial statement and go along with the joke. But never, repeat, never wear one under a jacket unless you are Robert de Niro.